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My Definition of Jealousy
Jealousy is an interesting emotion. I’ve felt it, I know people who feel it, and I’ve been on the receiving end of someone that felt it. Nobody can deny that there is a lot of power there.
But the more I explore the topic, the more I have come to believe that Jealousy- as an emotion – really doesn’t exist.
Now, let me be very very clear.- I do not, in any way, shape or form take away from the emotional content that someone experiences in a particular moment. What I DO want to do is explore what I see as the REAL name for Jealousy.
The problem is that Jealousy is a cover term for a lot of other emotions, and more often than not, it’s a lot of them all mixed up together. Let me give you a few examples… There is the fear that you are going to lose your partner. There is the feeling that you are unimportant to your partner. There is the feeling that your partner is having more fun than you are, there is the feeling that you have no control if your partner winks at or talks to or kisses (or whatever) someone else. There is the feeling that you are somehow less “special” if your partner likes someone else…There are some “uglier” emotions there as well. The feeling that our property is misbehaving when they do the things that make us “jealous”…
ALL of these are potentially part of Jealousy, and here is my thinking… We are taught that Jealousy, the green monster, is one singular thing, and it’s inevitable. And that there is no dealing with it. If you are jealous, well then you just are and we all have to live with it. So, when that emotional state washes over you, if you NAME it Jealousy, there is nothing your partner can do to reassure you, nothing you two can really do to make it better, it just IS.
If, on the other hand you are able to name the emotions that go into your emotional state – for example “I feel left out” – well then, now you have something that you and your partner can talk about and work out.
Now, many people don’t really WANT to deal with these underlying emotions. You are vulnerable when you expose your true fears, and it means that if your partner doesn’t pay attention, you might end up feeling really BAD (or worse yet, come to the conclusion that your partner doesn’t care about you and it’s time to move on…). So, you want to name it Jealousy, have your fit, and then move on.
But think about this: The REAL amazing moments in a relationship come, when you DO trust your partner with those really deep intimate fears. When you name them, and your partner DOES pay attention. When you figure out how to avoid those specific things, and you move to a new level of trust.
So, my thinking is that we should not use the word Jealousy as a cover for what we are really feeling. Go ahead experience the moment, but reflect on what’s REALLY causing it. And name THAT for your partner.
And… Lets ALL take the stance that there is NO SUCH emotion as Jealousy.
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provided by John Schlick
- Dateilicious Owner
at 2007-06-26 18:11:45
viewed 737 times.
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good one :) "jealousy" is a murky label that makes it pretty tough to figure out exactly what hurts/upsets/etc. works great as a defense against plowing through what's really there. |
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comment by chaizzilla
at 2007-07-13 18:51:09
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This comment rated:
by 1 users.
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( gre.linda3@yahoo.com )
My name is Linda,i saw your profile today and became interested in you,i will also like to know you the more,and if you dont mind i will like you to send an email to my email address so i can give you my picture for you to know whom i am.Here is my email address
( gre.linda3@yahoo.com ) believe we can move from here!I am waiting for your mail to my email address above.Linda.( Remember the distance or colour does not matter even our age difrent because i have something very important to tell you,but love matters alot in life) please contact me with this e-mail address ( gre.linda3/A/T/y/a/h/o/o/D/O/Tc/o/m) Take good care of yourself for me.
Best Regards
Linda.
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comment by linda
- i am looking for my life partner at 2009-06-15 10:55:26
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This comment rated:
by 0 users.
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( gre.linda3@yahoo.com )
My name is Linda,i saw your profile today and became interested in you,i will also like to know you the more,and if you dont mind i will like you to send an email to my email address so i can give you my picture for you to know whom i am.Here is my email address
( gre.linda3@yahoo.com ) believe we can move from here!I am waiting for your mail to my email address above.Linda.( Remember the distance or colour does not matter even our age difrent because i have something very important to tell you,but love matters alot in life) please contact me with this e-mail address ( gre.linda3/A/T/y/a/h/o/o/D/O/Tc/o/m) Take good care of yourself for me.
Best Regards
Linda.
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comment by linda
- i am looking for my life partner at 2009-06-15 11:04:06
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This comment rated:
by 0 users.
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